It can sometimes seem challenging to advise strong-willed children to live a healthy life especially when you want to provide them with integrative healthcare. Conscious children these days are even more insistent on doing what they want when they want, and at times, it is difficult to convince them to do anything they do not want to do. So here are some tips to help them start off on the right track towards a healthy life.
Sleep. Sleep is critical for mommy and baby alike. If the family is not getting enough sleep, the tendency to be stressed and overburdened go up indefinitely. Children need a schedule to sleep by so I often encourage parents to have a designated time every day that they go to bed, take naps, and wake up. The other thing is that if children get up at a designated time, you can encourage them to relax in their bed, relax in your bed, or room until everyone int he family is ready to get up. I often discourage moms from jumping up tot he demands of their children as they are sending a message that the child controls the show. This may mean allowing the child to cry until they learn how to self-soothe, not excess but a healthy balanced approach. I would not allow longer than 15 mins. I have also instructed mothers of older children to set up some breakfast snacks in a drawer that the children know where they are to go to the kitchen and help themselves while you are waking up and doing your morning routine.
Feelings. This one is really important and many integrative healthcare providers miss the importance of teaching children about heir emotions. Children have feelings, big ones, and they need to have a safe space to feel them and understand them. Encouraging your children to express themselves while also giving them the language to connect their feelings with communication is key. As an example, if a child is visibly angry saying something like I understand that you are angry but throwing toys, is not how we express anger. Let’s practice some breathing to manage our anger. There should also be steadfast consequences for their unhealthy expression of emotions to make sure they understand that there is a healthy and unhealthy way to express their emotions.
Communication is key for children. They must feel safe to express themselves and say what they need to say for them. Shutting children down, not allowing them to speak, or not listening can all turn into strong emotions of anger, rage, and resentment as time goes on in their lives. In the beginning, even if they are, it is important to acknowledge that what they are saying is important. This will build and encourage self-esteem for them for years to come in life.
Don’t ban junk food. This may also be counter-intuitive to an integrative healthcare provider. I know this one is tempting, but it is not healthy for children. I into this trap, turning my daughter into a vegan at a young age. We never had things like pizza, pasta, pancakes, etc. and so when he was exposed to those things, it was like she was making up for lost time. So far as a teenager I have been neutral about her eating habits, yet have taught her the differences between healthy and unhealthy eating so at least she knows that she is making a choice to eat unhealthy rather than me forcing her to be healthy with her food choices. Ultimately, education will come through at a later time in her life.
Offer healthy food. As the opportunity arises, offer healthy food options. If they say, they would like a snack, offer apples instead of goldfish or offer water instead of juice. Even if they do not always choose those options, they know they are available and sometimes the sound of that may be more appealing to them.
Model healthy behavior. This one may be a no brainer, but I felt the need to mention it. If you are not exhibiting healthy behavior yourself, it is very difficult to instruct your children to eat healthily. Being active with them
Be active with them. This goes into the last one of modeling healthy behavior. As children, they pick up everything around them, and this tends to shape their world as they get older. As a child, my father took me hiking and climbing a lot. As an adult, I still love doing these things, and in fact, it elicits positive memories from my childhood. Other things, such as practicing yoga with them, meditation, etc. can also be very helpful in their development.
Children these days are bombarded with many unhealthy things from television to candy to the latest gadget and craze it can be challenging to lead them in a healthy direction. However, if you are consistent over time, they will learn to not only like taking care of themselves but love it, especially once they begin to make the connection with how they feel and how they take care of themselves. This is an exciting time to develop this type of consciousness to be able to understand and uncover these aspects of our lives that have often been neglected conversations in previous generations. An intuitive integrative healthcare provider may be your choice to help your family get on track with your healthcare. Please read more about the role of integrative healthcare here:https://nccih.nih.gov/health/integrative-health#hed2. As we let go of the need to survive life and step deeper into a thriving, we appreciate the need to build health rather than, manage the disease. For more ideas check out: http://www.staging6.staging6.holisticfamilypracticeva.com/events/back-to-school-back-to-health/
Are you wondering how you should be parenting highly sensitive children in today’s world? We have reached an age where the phenomena of intuition, gifted intellectual insight beyond our years, creative and emotional compassion even at an early age. I was one of those children. I recently saw a Facebook post of a toddler hugging everyone when she was leaving. I was that child too. I embraced the energies and needs of others as if they were my own. I acknowledged others and had deep empathy and compassion for their struggles. I still do, and this is one of the reasons I do what I do and am on a mission to bring care back to healthcare. In fulfilling my mission, I am encountering more children like me, highly sensitive ones. THose that are wise well beyond their years. Those that give their parents a run for their money, this is also why I only have one child and enjoy help guiding you through the ups and downs of raising your highly sensitive child. Working with and parenting a highly sensitive child requires a great deal of wisdom and patience. The other thing it requires is a shift in emotional intelligence from the parents.
Not all parents were raised in emotionally intelligence or emotionally supportive homes. IN fact, many of us were not raised in these types of environments at all. Even if we had wonderful childhoods our western society as a whole was not in an awakened state where it acknowledged sensitivity and intuition as well as a emotions as a positive things. As a result, our parents and even their parents were raised to be more in survival mode and less in a compassionate, loving realm. So the real challenge becomes how do we teach something that we ourselves never learned. Or how do we manage with a split brain, meaning the brain that was taught using fear and discipline with the new more sensitive loving emotional brain that values safety and compassion?
This requires that we “raise up” the other side of our brain. The side that only views the world from a punishing, victim, wrong/right paradigm. We all have this aspect of ourselves. The self-righteousness. The judgments, and the fixed views, even if we do not always recognize or acknowledge thes not so pretty sides of ourselves. The control, the ego and the do as I say not as I do mindset. The hypocrite, the accuser these are all aspects of this side of our brain. Notice I said a side of our brain and not a side of our soul. There often is an inner battle that happens between the brain and the soul. The soul wants peace, love, and also sees all the truths about a scenario yet the brain wants to be right and often will look for any means necessary to prove that point of being right. Alas, the mind is seldom right, ha! IN fact, it can keep you spinning and spinning in doubt, worry, fears, and overthinking. Did I do this right, did I say this well enough, should I have yelled, it was wrong to yell, and on and on and on again.
Parenting highly sensitive children need you to raise this part of the brain u and in a lot of ways is challenging you to tonify the nervous system. The highly sensitive child has a very sensitive nervous system that is hypersensitive to the world around it. Highly sensitive children pick up the emotions of other people. They sense other peoples emotions, pain, and suffering because of this they can get overwhelmed in crowds, new situations, large noises, and sudden changes can send them spinning out of control. Criticism, defeat, and confrontation are also not easy for the highly sensitive child who takes everything incredibly personally. They can be perfectionists and strive for that to a fault because they feel so deeply.
Parenting highly sensitive children can help you grow in many ways and can also leave the parent feeling exhausted, burned out, and at their wits end at the irrational behaviors at times. Raising a healthy well-balanced child with whom is sensitive is possible it just requires a certain level of patience and willingness to shift to the children needs ahead of your own. You may want a more logical, disciplined, and a far more obedient child however G-D had other plans for you in your discovery. See the child’s sensitivity as a gift instead of a weakness. Embrace their emotions and teach them how to manage them instead of viewing them as innately flawed or there is something wrong with their sensitivity.
Resist the urge to make passive aggressive comments to them about their emotions such as you are such a drama queen, or other name calling as well as not validating their emotions and telling them whatever they feel and however they feel is not a big deal. It may not be a big deal to you, but it is important to them. Harsh dogmatic and rigid discipline can send a sensitive child wrestling. They often cannot handle these harsh tactics, and this will often have the opposite effect that you are looking to create. Harsh discipline can crate crying, yelling, name-calling, tantrums, etc. Teach them about their emotions instead and how to work with them if they get triggered and what tools they can use in order to not allow their emotions to run their lives. Embrace the healthy aspects of themselves and the positive attributes that they possess. Reward the positive behaviors and encourage them when you see them show initiative, independence, and they do something great no matter how small. Try not to express every flaw that they have and only verbally acknowledge the negative behaviors versus the positive. Accepting who your child is goes a long way in the process. Do not try to change your child, fix your child, mock your child, or otherwise see them as wrong. They are not wrong, they are a new wave of spiritually intuitive and gifted children come in to help the world heal. G-D intended them to be this way, and therefore to not accepting them would mean not accepting G-D and G-Ds will. Be easy on yourself and be easy on others in the process.
When it comes to parenting highly sensitive children, it is important to cultivate stillness, calm, and consistency within the home. HSPs love structure, it helps them feel safe. Having the same time for dinner time with the same people does encourage a sense of safety. HSPs do not like change, they do not like variations all around mostly because our nervous systems and auric fields are so far reaching that we are always picking up on things such as danger, emotions, thoughts, pretty much anything that floats by we grasp, pick up and run away with it. Yes, HSPs have pretty creative minds and therefore create stories big and small that may or might not be true. Creating safe spaces with consistent encouragement goes a long way for these special folks.
I always thought discipline was a dirty word but am beginning o acknowledge the safety and security that it contains. When disciplining a child remember it’s not about negative reinforcement which can be at times demeaning and self-esteem challenging. Instead, teach discipline as a guideline to life. Meaning in order to create more freedom the need to create more discipline for self. Think about the CEO that disciplines their mind and time in order to have more time and financial freedom for their families. Discipline has many interpretations not just telling someone when they have done wrong in life. With overbearing and undermining parents they often inadvertently affect a HSPs self-esteem and confidence with their overburdening shame, insecurity, as well as need to control others. There is a healthy way to redirect a child who is not performing the way we think they should, and there are also many ways to approach the same concept, so reflection goes a long way before parenting.
Authenticity – HSPs are truth seekers, but they can also feel and see authenticity in a human being. The deeply love and are empathetic as well as compassionate, while not judging others harshly. They see who you are and they love and accept you anyway so do everyone a favor and be authentic. That means no lying, hiding, or pretending. That means total honesty even if it is tough as well as having full integrity. We often have very good memories and can remember as well as make clear connections to things based on the things you say. Imagine we study you, and hear your words, watch your actions, and can distinguish the two… I know pretty scary, right.. haha.. Not to worry, it is really our, and we hope it feels comforting to have such an understanding and loving soul around you.
Leaving the authoritarian Piscean era of do what I say not what I do, and my way or no way, and the most famous because I say so or because I am the adult, etc. are over. HSPs do not blindly trust, meaning they do not blindly just do what you say because you say it. They do not live in fear like that. In fact, they think for themselves. Gasp! Even more of a gasp if you have raised them to think for themselves and they actually do it. Darn it! How could they! It’s okay, don’t react just observe, and even still learn to teach instead of tell. This has been extremely helpful with my daughter upon raising her. Whenever I tell her to do something, she has about 10 reasons why she is choosing not to do that, and it can quickly become a wrestling match over just about everything. However, when I explore all of the concepts of understanding and teach her all of the aspects she magically says Oh, I can see that, or I understand, or the beloved that makes sense now. So get they are not property, and this is not a police state where you are looking to punish, judge, and admonish at every moment. Your job as a parent is to guide, teach, encourage, and support them in making their decisions. Sometimes the cause and effect will work in their favor to the result they are seeking, and sometimes it will result in a lesson. Either way, it is their road and their journey to discover and jumping up and down and yelling will not do anything to shift the mindset.
Ultimately there is no right or wrong way when it comes to parenting highly sensitive children, there is no expert opinion. I think we all bumble through this infinite discovery of life and work towards deeper levels of understanding both ourselves as well as others. I think another aspect that HSPs take on is the need to care Take others emotions ahead of our own. I think in a lot of ways we feel deep[ly responsible for those emotions around us that we love, honor, and admire. However., as we get healthier, wiser, and more conscious, we discover that we can leave all the feelings that we pick up where they belong. We no longer need to pick up intuitively every thought that floats by and we can recognize where we begin and end, and where another picks up. I often teach people about houses on a street. All of the houses are in neat little rows separated by streets. And before we cross the street, we make sure our street is in order. No throwing trash around and no sneaking into other peoples backyards. We can relax inside our home or on the porch, and we know exactly what laundry needs folding, or trash needs to be taken out, but we do not need to go and do the neighbors laundry or throw his or her trash out. We are content and at peace with our own space, our own place, and our own feelings, thoughts, etc.
In a world filled with anger, judgment, discontent, and disease we need highly sensitive people in order to heal the world. So if you have these sweet spirits in your life love them fiercely, acknowledge them, support them, and be mindful and present to them with authenticity as well as peace. They will appreciate you for it.
*All information contained in this blog post is intended for informational and educational purposes only, and is neither intended nor suited to be a replacement or substitute for professional medical treatment nor for professional medical advice relative to a specific medical question or condition.
Would you classify yourself as a “Crunchy Mom”? Do you want the best for your child but are struggling with managing your time? If there is one thing I feel like I don’t have a lot of, its time and I know this a conversation that I have inside of my head. I have the same 168 hours a week as Tony Robbins, the President, and the Dali Lama. I know right those three people in the same sentence, but its true! What makes those people able to manage and control their time. Do you think they or we get it everything done in a day… I wish! I am a list person, I love lists. They keep me focused, and they keep me accountable. I love schedules.. ha! Anyone that knows me knows how I live and die by my schedule. If you don’t get on the schedule, you don’t get the time, sorry! I prioritize everything in my schedule, each day has a different goal and a person. I used to be more CEO than crunchy mom and would drive myself to insanity to get everything done on my list. I would run myself down and run myself ragged trying to perfect, trying to be superwoman, trying to prove my worth through my to-do list, and trying so desperately to get it all done and get it all right! I had to retire the CEO mom. She was exhausted, irritable, sick, controlling, and would freak out if a last minute cancel would happen or if the dishes were left in the sink at night. I just could not function I was so nutty. The CEO mom was wearing me out, and worse than that she was rocking my adrenal glands all over my body… I am surprised they didn’t run away from my body in sheer terror. I felt guilty when I took downtime, and mind you my downtime consistently of me falling out on a Friday afternoon for an hour on the couch in exhaustion before by sheer wills I would get myself up and out back to work (or synagogue). I was unrelenting and tenacious, yet I was unbalanced, and not well rested. Sleeping consisted of me resting with my eyes closed for a few hours waking up 5 hours later exhausted. It wasn’t until I retired the CEO mom that I found true sleep, and boy was that different. I would work 45 days straight and then take one guilt reddened day off. I was pushing and forcing myself to succeed through education, and certifications trying to prove to myself that I was worthy. I was ruled by guilt and shame that I was a “bad mom.” If I was 5 mins late to a recital because of an employee issue, I would beat myself up at the disappointed look on my daughters face. In fact, I allowed her unrealistic nerve expectations of me rule my life more than any boss could. It was tough. I was always balancing life as a mother and life as an entrepreneur. I’ve been both her entire life. Eventually, I began to gain weight as the stress of finishing grad school, opening a practice, and going through failed marriages took a toll on my health. I felt less and less like myself with less joy and more depression, irritability, and sadness. I felt in many ways powerless over the rat race I found myself in, yet something needed to change.
SO I went to work, and not the work that you are thinking. I looked inward to find my inner crunchy mom Afterall, I am a hippie and the carefree nature of myself is who I was when I had her, that had been lost along the way of responsibility, single parenting, and doing things “well.” I wanted to find more freedom in my lifestyle. I put myself on a schedule, a Dan not just any schedule but an organized schedule. I changed my office hours from being 24/7 round the clock, call, text or email whenever to dedicated office hours. I declared to myself that I would only work 8-8pm (which still seems like a lot, yet has balanced itself more). I also broke out time that I would work on my business, work in my business, and time that I would just Netflix and chill (yes that is scheduled too). I prioritized which days I would focus on which tasks. Like right now is Thursday before patient care, Thursdays are marketing days for me so after a networking event this morning, I am banging out about 4 blog posts before I see cases for the day. Organization has become my friend, and discipline his close cousin. They used to be estranged this two, but after a lot of counseling, they have become best of friends. Discipline is not a dirty word to me anymore, which after a childhood with two overbearing marines I avoided this like the plague. I think this is what created that more free-spirited carefree nature of my personality. And now I can marry and celebrate the two worlds of freedom and discipline and in fact, have found more freedom amongst the discipline to which I teach my patients who literally break out into anaphylactic shock when I mention the word. I think it all comes down to choosing what your priorities you have and setting short term and long term goals while creating accountabilities. The bigger the dream, the goal, the vision the more structured and disciplined your life has to become, with fun sprinkled in there. I always find things to look forward to amongst all of the chaos. This new year I chose to join a hiking group so I could have something non-work related to experience that connects and bonds me deeper with nature and gets me out of the house with a little convincing my daughter may actually come with me, but at 14 years old anything away from WiFi can be a quite big sell.
I think there is a lot we can learn right from this current generation. They approach life in Avery’s relaxed manner, and our authoritarian brains go nuts, and we assume that they will fail because they do not see things in such a life or death manner, but reality is that they will find their way as we all have found our way. Even if that way is surfing their friends couch because they burned all their bridges. We hope that they take the ques, wake up, and are willing to do the work, but as we celebrate time freedom, we also celebrate our responsibility freedom. We are not responsible for other people’s journey. This has been a hard one for me to grasp.
When working with patients, I often reference the sandbox analogy. I give each person their own sandbox. As much as they may want to play with others sand, because it may look unkempt, they simply cannot because they can only stay in their own sandbox. They can’t play with other people toys either even if their toys look shiner. We simply must stay within the confounds of our experience, which means not intervening on another’s experience or lesson or journey. This is tough, especially if you have a save the world mentality, however, this approach can do more harm than help to both parties. You as you neglect ones self in order to rescue another that did not ask to be saved. And the backlash of resentment from the other for feeling as though you intervened when they could handle themselves. It is a hard lesson to learn and one that I continue to reflect on to the point of taking full responsibility even for the creations of the world around me… I’ll save that for another blog post.
The new year brings so much possibility and the one possibility that I want everyone to grasp is balance. Make time for you, make time for the kids, and make time for your sanity. The CEO will give you the time off, and the crunchy mom will be grateful she can meditate, read, or take a nap.
*All information contained in this blog post is intended for informational and educational purposes only, and is neither intended nor suited to be a replacement or substitute for professional medical treatment nor for professional medical advice relative to a specific medical question or condition.
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