Forgiveness and healing is an infinite awareness. I think I learn more and more about this topic every day. This month as I explore the concept of forgiveness and healing, the first place I start is with myself. I watched this incredible YouTube video today about who you should marry. The woman on the Tedtalk told my story, well, partially my story. She had a difficult upbringing where she felt abandoned, rejected, unloved, and uncared for which truly was my story… It WAS my story. She stumbled through life with this idea of the picture-perfect marriage, in the simplest of forms. You meet someone, you fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after… simple.
Instead, she cited multiple marriages, divorces, etc. This was my story….. Seeking love, acceptance, in all the wrong places, except for within myself. Finally, she married herself. I remember this practice. For me, I actually bought myself a wedding ring. I wear it every day as it signifies my commitment to myself. The funny thing is that when I truly accept, love, forgive, and acknowledge how I feel about things, people respond.
I am not talking about being bossy, telling people like it is, or any other form of egoism conversation. I am genuinely talking about when you speak authentically from the heart with no malice, no contempt, and no animosity for self or others. You’re speaking freely in terms that not only you can understand, but others can understand. No, I will not negotiate my feelings, thoughts, and perceptions with you. This is my stand. I will not feel guilty, angry, or sad, based on your unwillingness to see or hear my view. This is me— front and center.
You are strong in your conviction while also gentle in your approach to where others stand. It is not your responsibility to take on people’s emotions, but rather stand gracefully in their presence, accepting where they are in their journey of self-discovery. I think that is truly an intimate place to be, or as one employee used to say to me years ago, that is not my dirty.
I feel blessed and grateful to be able to share with you, express myself, and that you’re willing to listen to all my ramblings about forgiveness and healing. All of my messy and authentic self. I am grateful to even be to the point where I no longer feel ashamed of my messiness and that I embrace it. For every one element or aspect of messy, there are a dozen incredible aspects of myself, and I am grateful for both sides because I could not fully enjoy the light without the dark. It is much like a honeymoon to be able to share with you in this way, or maybe even like the reception— lets a party!